Love Letters Part 3 of Parker and Alex
by SophieDevereauxtoo
Summary: Parker escaped from Litchfield but she left Alex behind. Is she sending the kitten cards or is someone playing a cruel joke?


I've never cried so much in my life. It's been six weeks since Parker came and went. She's been gone longer than she was here. I've never missed anybody like this. But then I've never really been in love before.

Nicky comes by as often as she can. She's the only one who really knows about me and Parker. It's weird but it seems as though she and I are the only ones who even remember Parker. She listens to me and holds me when I cry but she's got Morello back now. I'm happy for her. I really am. I just don't want to hear how much in love she is.

I know everyone is tired of me moping around. I try to put on a happy face. I'm just so fucking lonely.

Red is my roommate now, something she's not terribly thrilled with. It's not because of me. She doesn't want a roommate period. I'm sure, if she has to have one, she'd prefer one who doesn't cry herself to sleep every night. She tries to help. She brings me things from her 'store' when she can. I try to talk to her. Love and loneliness she understands. She only has a vague recollection of Parker.

That's something I don't understand but I'm sure Parker would. She was invisible while she was here. No one remembers when she left. Except me. I see her face when I close my eyes. I can still feel her sleeping, tucked between me and the wall. Her green eyes are burned into my memory. I wish I could forget her.

I've got almost two more years left here. It feels like a life sentence. I'm not even looking forward to getting out. I don't know how to find Parker. I don't know her name. I can't just start looking up Parkers in the phone book. I can't imagine how I will live without her.

I hate this. I didn't want this. I don't do relationships. I don't fall in love. I hope that time will make it better. It hasn't so far but I've got plenty of time on my hands. I keep myself busy during the day. I try not to think at night. Thinking only makes it worse. I live in a building with over 100 other women in close quarters. I'm never really alone. I'm just so fucking lonely!

I took a detour back from work today. The cold crisp air felt good after the humidity and heat of the laundry room. I stood outside for a long time, not thinking, just trying to be. Yoga Jones would find that amusing. Just trying to be. Isn't that a Buddhist thing? I'm not at all spiritual but I've spent enough time in Bali to get the Buddhist thing. Maybe I should look into that. I'll try to remember to ask Jones. I stand outside until my toes are numb.

Red is sitting on her bunk, waiting for me when I finally wander back in. "Where the fuck have you been?" she asks in her heavy Russian accent. I want to tell her it's none of her fucking business. I just shrug. She squints her eyes at me. "You have mail" she says. "I don't Red. It's a mistake. I don't know anyone." "Well, then no one is sending you mail" she says as she hands me a red envelope. It's been opened. The guards open all our mail. I don't know if Red looked at it. I don't care.

I sit in my bunk and turn the envelope over in my hands. It's the size of a greeting card, the kind you can buy at the supermarket. My name and address are written out in perfect little block letters. There is no return address. I have a flash of panic that maybe it's from Kubra. He's found me. It's a warning. No. This is not his style. If he was still worried about me turning him in as part of the drug ring, I would have been shanked in the shower a long time ago.

I turn the envelope over again. There are no other marks on it to identify who it might be from. Red is still staring at me. "Are you going to fucking open it?" she asks. "Who is it from?" "And here I didn't think you cared Red" I tell her. "I don't" she says and lays down on her bunk.

Nicky comes by. "Yo." "Oh just great! It's a fucking party!" Red says and pulls her pillow over her head. Nicky and I both ignore her. She sees the envelope in my hand and comes and sits next to me. "What'cha got there Vause?" She asks. "I don't know." "What do you mean 'you don't know'? Didn't you open it?" "No. Not yet" I tell her. "Well then give it to me. I'll open it" she says as she rips the envelope out of my hand. I lunge at her, trying to get it back. We both fall to the floor, giggling. "Jesus Christ!" Red curses as she throws her pillow at us. She grabs her hoodie and stops out prompting another round of laughter.

"Seriously Alex" Nicky asks, "are you going to open it?" "I don't know" I say quietly. "What do you have to lose?" she asks again. "I don't know" I say again. She pats me on the knee. "Let me know OK?" "OK" I tell her. "I'll see you at dinner."

My mysterious correspondent is the topic at our table in the dining hall. I finally pull the envelope from where I have it stuffed down the front of my shirt and lay it on the table in front of me. Everyone stares silently at it. Red sits down at the end of the table. She sees it and everyone looking at it. She gets up and leaves with a Russian curse.

"So…." Nicky asks. "Yeah" says Morello. It's not like we get mail all that often, especially a puzzle. "Ok" I say. "I'm opening it." I have everyone's attention as I slip my fingers into the open top and pull out a greeting card. On the front is a kitten hanging from a tree branch. Morello makes her 'oh how cute' noises while Nicky just snorts. "Well, open it already" Yoga Jones says. I lay my hand on top of it. "I can't" I say. "I can!" says Nicky as she grabs it and opens it instantly. Inside is printed 'hang in there'. There is no note and no signature. Yoga Jones is the first to talk. "It looks like we still have a mystery here ladies." "Do you have any idea who it's from?" Sister Inghalls asks. I slowly shake my head.

It was probably a bad idea to lie to a nun but I do think I know who it's from. I leave without words and head straight back to my bunk. Kittens. I lay on my bunk and slip the card back into my shirt. I press it hard to my chest while I study the ceiling. There is a panel that is slightly askew just above my bunk. I first noticed it the night Parker left. I've never fixed it. I look at it and think about Parker. I think I know how she got out of the building. I wasn't sure if she ever made it off the grounds. Maybe she got caught and she's withering away in SHU. Or sent down to Max. Tonight I know for sure she made it out. Only Parker would send me a card with a kitten on it. Only Parker wouldn't think to write a note or sign the card. For the first time in a long time, I feel happy.

The cards start coming two or three times a week. They're always the same. No notes or return addresses. The post marks are from all over the world. The cards all have kittens on them. The words on the card are irrelevant. The occasions never match up, birthday, anniversary, get well, none make any sense. It's obviously all about the pictures on the front of the card. Parker likes kittens. I keep them all under my pillow.

The cards come for 6 months. They've become something to look forward too. Something cute and happy in my dreary khaki world. I always wait to open them until we're seated at the table for a meal. I think Nicky, Morello, Yoga Jones, Sister and the rest look forward to them as much as I do. Only Nicky knows who they're really from.

Nicky brings me today's card. It's heavier, thicker than the others. Nicky half whispers, "I think there's a letter in this one". "Did you peek? Because I swear Nicky if you peeked…" She hold her hands up in defense. "I didn't look. I wouldn't do that!" I raise my eyebrow at her. "Ok ok. I would. But I didn't. I swear." She uses her fingers to cross her heart proving her innocence. I look back at the card. "I think you should open this one here" she says. "Or at least take the letter out before you show the others. It might be something tasty!" I roll my eyes. The guards almost certainly read it. They've been as curious about the cards as the rest of us. I just shrug. I don't know who they're from. Not really.

I carefully slide my fingers inside the card and shake out a letter. I know Nicky is dying to know what it says but I slip it inside my shirt. She has a broad smile on her face. "You know I'm not afraid to go in there after it." I laugh. "I get to read it first. If it's not too personal, I'll let you have a look." "And what if it's personal?" she asks. "Then I'll read it out loud to you" I say with a wink. She laughs. "I'm holding you to that Vause!" she says as she leaves my cubicle.

I press on the paper where it lies against my skin. It feels warm and comforting. I consider pulling it out and reading it but I don't. If it's a good bye letter, I don't want to know. Or maybe it's not from Parker and I have some weird stalker. Didn't that happen to one of the guys from BareNakedLadies? Some nut job kept sending cards with monkeys on them? As curious as I am, I don't want to ruin the beautiful illusion I've created for myself. I glance up at the off kilter tile on the ceiling and smile. I grab the card, still in the envelope and head out to the dining room.

I bring it out after dinner and we all play what has become our favorite game – speculate about Alex' card. The address, post mark and card are fully inspected for clues. We talk about the kitten on the front, tonight he is wearing sunglasses. That leads to a whole new conversation about summer vacations and the sunny places we've been. I don't tell the others about the letter. Nicky stares at me but she doesn't spill my secret.

After bed check and count, I pull the letter out and try to read it. It poses more questions than it answers. I wonder why she decided to write it.

_I went to the movies once. I went by myself. The movie was about a girl. _

_She didn't have any friends. She had long_

_blonde hair. Her name was Alice. She was playing in the woods and fell down a rabbit_

_hole. Inside the hold there were many people she had never seen before. There were _

_lots of people there. They were all weird. There was a cat and a mouse and a Mad Hatter. _

_She went to a tea party and had fun. She drank 2 cups of tea. The Queen tried to get Alice._

_The Queen wasn't very nice and made her run away. She only stayed for a couple of days._

_She went home and no one believed her._

That was it. No signature. No clues to what it means. It obviously means something to Parker or she wouldn't have bothered to write after months of blank cards. The story is Alice in Wonderland. That part I got. But why would Parker describe a movie to me? I re-read the letter about eight times before tucking it back under my shirt and trying to sleep.

I am sitting on the floor, leaning against my bunk when Nicky comes to see me. I've been staring at the letter all morning, trying to puzzle it out. All I've managed to do is to give myself a wicked headache. Nick sits next across from me, leaning against Red's bunk. She stretches her feet out to lie between mine. "So…" she starts. I look up at her. "Is that it?" "Yeah" I answer. "You gonna tell me?" "I don't know Nick. It doesn't make any sense." "So it's really from Parker then?" she asks with a smile. I laugh. "Thanks Nick. I needed that." "So can I read it?" she asks? I shrug. "Sure. Maybe you can figure it out."

I hand her the letter and she reads through it with her brow furrowed. "I don't get it?" she says when she's done. I shrug again. "I don't either. I think she's trying to tell me something but I can't figure out what." "Or maybe she just really likes Alice in Wonderland" Nicky offers. She holds the letter up and squints at it. I watch her, hoping maybe she can make some sense of it. Suddenly I notice something strange. "Holy Fuck!" I yell. "What?" Nicky asks, dropping the letter in her lap to look at me. "No. Hold it up again!" She holds it up and now I am sure what I saw. I dive towards my locker looking for a pen. "Here. Let me show you" I say as I grab the letter out of Nicky's hands and lay it face down on the floor. "Do you see it?" She looks at the letter and then back at me, slowly shaking her head. "Its so obvious!" I tell her. "See here? This letter shows through the back. The others don't. It's like she pushed harder. It's a **code**!" "Okay okay. I'm seeing it now" Nicky says. I take my pen and start circling letters on the backside of the note. Nicky helps me find the different letters and I circle them. When we turn it back to the front, the message pops right out at us.

Now it looks like this:

_**I**__ went to the movies once. I __**w**__ent by myself. The mov__**i**__e was about a gir__**l**__. _

_She didn't have any friends. She had __**l**__ong_

_blonde hair. Her name was Ali__**c**__e. She was playing in the wo__**o**__ds and fell down a rabbit_

_hole. Inside the hold there were __**m**__any p__**e**__ople she had never seen __**b**__efore. There were _

_lots of people there. They were __**a**__ll weird. There was a __**c**__at and a mouse and a Mad Hatter. _

_She went to a tea party and dran__**k**__**2 **__cups of tea. The Queen tried to __**get**__ Alice._

_The Queen wasn't ver__**y**__ nice and made her run away. She __**o**__nly stayed for a co__**u**__ple of da__**y**__s._

_She went home and no one believed her._

I copied all of the circled letters down on the bottom of the page. Nicky and I just stared at them. "You think…?" "Yeah I think so, Nick. I think she sent this for a reason." Nicky just shook her head. "Wild" she said. "Yeah."

All put together, the letters spell '_I will come back for you'._

I feel a chill run down my spine. Parker. My Parker. She remembers me. She's coming back for me. Nicky sees me smiling and gives me a hug. "I'm happy for you Alex" she whispers. "Thanks Nick. Thanks for everything." She smiles and leaves me alone with my thoughts and my letter.

It's been six weeks since I got the Alice in Wonderland letter. I keep it tucked next to my heart. I've only got a year left on my sentence and the letter helps me to remember that I have a life waiting for me outside. I've read and re-read it so often that it is coming apart at the creases. I have the words memorized, the letter and the secret message. I lie in bed at night and I can almost hear Parker's soft voice telling me about the movie, promising that she'll be there for me. It makes the long days just a little bit easier.

The cards still come. Nothing there has changed. Kittens. No return addresses. No letters.

It's Saturday afternoon. Visiting day. No work. Nicky and I never get visitors. We are lying together on her bunk. I'm reading and she's napping. Bennett comes by. "I've been looking for you Vause. You have a visitor." I laugh. "Yeah that's a good one." He doesn't laugh. "I'm serious. You have a visitor." Nicky opens her eyes and looks at me. I shrug. "I don't know anyone." "Yes you do" she says. I give her a puzzled look. "She said she was coming back." "She'd be crazy Nick. She can't come back here after she broke out. She'd have to be insane." Nicky raises her eyebrows. I shake my head. "No. I'm sure it's a mistake. I don't have anyone on my list anyway."

Nicky has me thinking though and I get up and head towards the visitation room. When I get to the door, Mr. Healey is waiting for me. "Vause". "Mr. Healey?" "You have a visitor Vause". I try to look around him but he doesn't move. "She wasn't on the list. I put her on the list for you." "Um. Thank you Mr. Healey." "You're welcome Vause. She seems like a nice young lady" he says. "You wouldn't want to do anything to change that." He gives me a knowing look. "I promise Mr. Healey. I won't touch her." I hold my hands up in front of me in a sign of surrender. "Well, yeah. OK. Have fun Vause." He says before he walks away and leaves me staring through the glass in the door. Seated at the table is a young woman. She has golden blonde hair. Her hands are flat on the top of the table and she is staring at them. My heart skips and my hands shake as I slowly push the door open.

The woman doesn't move when I slide into the seat across from her. I put my hands on the table and slide them forward until our finger tips touch. Finally she looks up and her emerald green eyes lock onto mine. "Parker!" I whisper. "What are you doing here?" "I came to see you Alex" she whispers back. "And that's a silly question." "Parker…" "Shhh. Alice" she says. "I told them my name is Alice." "Ok. Alice. Are you crazy?" "That's another silly question." I can't help but smile at that. "Aren't you worried that someone will recognize you? I mean, after all, you did, um, you know…" "Break out?" "Yeah. That."

Parker shakes her head. "They never saw me Alex." I furrow my brow. She continues, "They never saw me because I didn't give them anything to look at." "OK. I get it I guess" I tell her. "You were playing invisible. I get that. Nobody really seems to remember you. It was weird. They did like 20 counts that day. They were off but no one seemed to know why. I guess they finally figured their numbers were wrong. But what about records?" "Oh I took care of those too" she says. "It's like I was never here."

"I remembered you Parker." "Shhh. I told you my name is Alice." "Right Alice. I knew you were gone. I know every night that I miss you." She looks down at her hands again. "Are you mad?" She asks quietly. I am confused now. "Mad?" She nods. "Because I left you?" "Oh Par…Alice, I was never mad. I thought I would never see you again." "You were sad then?" "Yeah" I say softly. "I was sad." "I'm sorry" she whispers. "I didn't want to leave you. I had to. You know. Thief stuff." I laugh quietly. "Yeah. Thief stuff. I get it. I wouldn't stay here if I had a choice either."

She looks up at me with a small smile then looks back at her hands. "I cried." "What?" I ask. "I cried. I never cry. Thieves don't cry. Thieves don't care." "But you do?" I ask softly as I put on of my hands on hers. She flinches slightly. "I'm sorry." I say pulling my hand away. "It's OK" she says, reaching for my hand. She looks me straight in the eyes and for a moment I am lost in their depth. "I don't want to be alone any more Alex." The significance of what she is telling me hits hard. "Oh Par.." "Alice". "Right Alice. I don't want to be alone any more either." She smiles and squeezes my hand. "I want you to touch me Alex. I've never wanted any one to touch me. I like it when you touch me." "I like it too Alice. I like it a lot." She smiles at me again. There are no more words. Just me and Parker. Holding hands and staring at each other.

One of the guards yells a five minute warning. Parker slowly stands up as do I. I step toward her, looking over my shoulder at the guards to see if they're watching. I can see Healey watching through the door. I smile and wriggle my fingers in his direction. He scowls and walks away. I turn my attention back to Parker. She's just standing. Her fingers are laced nervously together and she's staring hard at them. "Come here" I whisper. She takes a step forward but her body language never changes. I gently put my fingers under her chin and raise her face so that our eyes meet. I usually can't tell what she is thinking but this time everything is clear, her love, her pain. I put my hands on her shoulders and start to pull her close to me. "You're not alone any more Parker." I whisper as our lips brush against each other before I hug her tightly. She doesn't flinch.

One of the guards is watching us. "Hey. None of that!" he yells and I reluctantly start to let her go. Just before we separate completely, I whisper in her ear, "I don't like cats." She gives a quiet laugh. "I don't either." Before I can ask about the kitten cards, she turns and walks toward the door. She never looks back.

Two days later, a card comes in the mail. It was mailed from the town just outside Litchfield. It has ducklings on it. The cards continue to come, the same as before. No return address. No note. The only difference is that there are no more kittens. Chicks, puppies, monkeys. All sorts of baby animals. But no more kittens.


End file.
